Talking About Adoption

I think most people who read this know that we adopted Grace and Vivian. We were very blessed with both of our adoptions to have very positive experiences. Now I work at LDS Family Services as a social worker, helping adoptive couples go through the process. It's a great job, I get to meet amazing people, and I hope that I can share my perspective with them. Adoption is such a blessing for us, for many birthmothers, and many other families.

LDS FS recently launched a brand new adoption website which is SO much better than the old one! It's still at http://www.itsaboutlove.org/. Check it out if you're bored.

There is a page there about positive adoption language that I wanted to copy here. (I can't figure out how to get Blogger to format it normally, so I guess you'll have to scroll down-- sorry!) I am not easily offended when talking about adoption. I know people are generally doing their best to be sensitive, but sometimes might not know the right way to phrase things. I hope people feel comfortable asking about adoption if they have questions, because we are always happy to talk about it, non-"PC" language or not. I'm hoping this list of the currently "correct" terminology will help people feel more comfortable!

The one that I feel most strongly about is the term "give up for adoption." This is pretty common, you hear it all the time. But it does send a subtle message to a child who was adopted that her birthmother didn't want her. We feel very strongly that placing a child for adoption is an act of immense courage and love! We're so grateful for Vivian and Grace's birthparents and their families and their trust in us. I think if we could eliminate the stigma surrounding placing a child for adoption, the world would be a better place. And now I'll get off my soapbox. Oh, and if you know anyone who is considering placing a child for adoption, I know a few wonderful families. (Though not us at the moment:) )

Negative Terms	Preferred Terms
Gave up her child for adoption	Placed her child for adoption
Real parent; natural parent	Birth parent, biological parent
Adoptive parent	Parent
His adopted child	His child
Illegitimate	Born to unmarried parents
Adoptee	Child who was adopted
To keep	To parent
Adoptable child; available child	Waiting child
Foreign adoption	International adoption
Track down parents	Search
Unwanted child	Child placed for adoption
Is adopted	Was adopted

A touch of PTSD

Vivian had a rather traumatic experience over Labor Day. We went out to eat, and a nice employee made her a balloon out of a latex glove, you know the kind. Vivian enjoyed carrying the balloon around, and it was a beautiful day so we took our lunch out to the outdoor dining area. You can see where this is going. We made it through most of lunch with the balloon, thanks to a couple of courageous saves by me and my mad hops. But finally, the balloon escaped and floated up to the sky, looking back down at us with that silly face. Vivian was pretty broken up at the time and cried for quite a while. Which is pretty normal, I think. But she is STILL talking about it.

It is actually so cute in a heartbreaking kind of way. She says, "Boon...... sky....... boon...... sky" with her lower lip sticking clear out.

We Seem to Have Entered a Time Warp

It just simply cannot have been a whole year since Sam was born. Can I please stop the clock?

Sam has been the easiest, sweetest, funnest baby possible. I hesitate to even say how great he is because everything I say on my blog seems to become untrue as soon as I've said it. {For example, Vivian has started watching TV. Yay!} Sam has a smile for everyone, and he is free with the laughs. He's very ticklish, which is fun for his sisters. Sam is just so easy-going. I love the way he is all casual when I hold him--he just kind of drapes his arm around my shoulder and chills with me. Not clingy, not struggling to get down, just hanging out. I'm afraid that will not last long once he starts to walk. I love the way he kicks his legs when we pick him up, like he's so excited to get to you he's trying to swim there. He's excited about life.

Sam's first official word is "ball." He loves to play with balls of any size. He also enjoys pushing a little car around. I think he also tries to say "boo" when we play peekaboo. He crawls super fast and he's trying to jump like his sisters. Jumping on beds is a big fave around here, and Sam does not want to be left out. I think he might jump before he walks. For now, he has little calluses on his toes and knees from crawling. Sam will go anywhere--cement, dirt, water--doesn't bother him.

I can't imagine our family without Sam, and I'm so so glad he's here.

Two already

This is from the day we first met Vivian at the hospital in Kentucky.

And here is the day we brought her "home". Check out that frowny mouth.

And at about 10 months. Love those huge cheeks!

I have to confess I was a little worried about Vivian, and sometimes wondered what I had gotten into. She was kind of a grumpy baby. Hardly smiled, took a very long time to laugh, and then did it rarely. Then when we found out she was going to be a middle child, we were afraid she would get lost in the shuffle between the new baby and the demonic 3-yr old.

In the last few months, Vivian has really come into her own. She has a great sense of humor. She is extremely sweet and compassionate. She is really quite obedient. She is an adrenaline junky. She comes with a dash of vinegar. She's a complex little girl. I predict she will be either an engineer or an opera singer--man has she got lungs. She has NOT gotten lost in the shuffle. She is an excellent mimic, which makes her a fast learner. She likes to blow her nose, and sometimes misses the Kleenex. She loves to clean things. She contorts into strange shapes to make herself impossible to pick up when she doesn't want to do what you want. She says "yogurt" like an old German man with phlegm. "Gogurhk." The first thing she says when when I go get her in the morning is, "Shhhh... Sammy." She will not watch any TV, has absolutely NO interest in it. Except for "manna manna" from the Muppet Show, which she thinks is hilarious. She is a tease. She still frequently has a very serious look on her face, even when she is having fun. But her sweet laugh is right there waiting. She is an absolute delight, and I am so glad she is part of our family!

The Utah Pilgrimage

We just got back from the annual trip to Utah. It was a very fun trip. We were gone 3 weeks, and saw all of both of our families. I was going to do a long post with lots of thrilling details, but it is easier to post pictures on Flickr. So check that out for oodles of pictures. But for now, here is why I love Utah:

And this:

There are so many kinds of beauty. Very different from anything in the Midwest. Every time we go back to Utah, I appreciate it more.

Vivian speaks

Vivian is such a fun girl. Everyone should get to hang out with her for a while. She has become quite the talker, and I think her vocabulary says a lot about the way she sees life. Today she said what I think might be her longest sentence yet: Yay Daddy home! Viv LOVES Rob. Other faves:

• clean up
• dirty (dowdy)
• sticky (tickee)
• poopy
• mine
• candy (dandy)
• milk (mowk)
• cheese (when she wants cheese, which is pretty much 24/7, and when she sees a camera)
• hold me
• outside (die--pretty funny when she's sitting there yelling DIE DIE DIE)
• please
• thank you
• sorry (hawee)
• OW
• happy (SO cute)
  
  And her classics:
• Deedee is still Sam, even though she can say Sam. Viv also LOVES Sam.
• Dahdah is still her blanket, and if we forget to bring it in the car, we will regret it
• and, of course, NO!

Hubba Hubba

Bye, bye clunka.

Hello, hunka.

Okay, so the Subaru wasn't completely a clunker. It's been a good car. But a Honda Odyssey with 14 miles on it??? How could we pass that up?